diary entry 61

 i COULD NOT sleep last night i tried SO hard. but i didnt fall asleep until 8 AM or so. I gotta admit, i relapsed on xanax... small dose, 0.375mg because i wanted to sleep SO bad. chugged a beer on it too and uhhh.. yea it didnt work. fuck benzos, fuck xanax, fuck my addiction issues!!

however in the languid night, i found out some guy remade Graham Kartna - TMP2 as covers??? oh mygod??? he also made Shoot the Moons Remake Covers?!?!!?!??! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAhKJnZsclo ITS SO PEAK i nightcored it and its been so good and playing in my earbuds all day . This is like. Does anyone remember in 2018 or so when Despacito was a meme and people would be like "I FOUND DESPACITO 2!!!" its EXACTLY like that. But so much better.

went to my job interview at 7/11 today and THANKS TO THE DUMBFUCK AI (I HATE AI I HATE AI I HATE AI I H) they didnt know i had an interview scheduled and the manager wasnt in . so nothing happened.

ALSO unemployment told me im NOT ELIGIBLE after fighting for a MONTH on that. so thats great.

i did some job applications tonight and i wanted to apply to the USPS office SO bad but they were like "you gotta pay $89 to do the exams and training" ARE WE FUCKING SERIOUS??????????????? GO TO HELL???

while out with my mom earlier we discussed Saturday Plans... im gonna have my dad drop me off to my mom after she goes to church on saturday and we will go to savers and stuff before she drops me off at the venue :D

getting paid tonight, so excited... last paycheck tho... and its gonna be small i think :/ i gotta pay some off for the fursuit head M is sending me but xe is very laidback about it... ill try to send $50-$100 tmrw morning depending on how much i got... stil need some funds for saturday sooo

Umm what else??? Oh yea. did i say how im gay. Um. the guys voice in those TMP2 covers..?????  sorry to have a Thing for cisgender men's voices but (drools IM NORMAL BTW IM LYING IM JOKING HAHAHAHAHA LAUGH WITH ME

ive started writing my sexual fantasies down in a notebook again instead of Blasting them to everyone and being a Fucko Freak about it. Healthy??? development???

im gonna call walgreens tmrw about my T script because I STILL AHVENT GOTTEN A REFILL. if worse comes to worst i will Probably just buy DIY testosterone again and have it sent to O's house... he said hes ok with it.... but itd be $86 or smth after shipping for a 10ml 300mg/ml vial of T SIGHHHHH. i have like $14 rn. UGH

i might just reboot my depop shop + start listing cds on discogs again. bullmoose in portsmouth said they buy CDs too, so...

im gonna Not smoke weed for a few days. because it keeps making my anxiety and paranoia spike bad. ill probably partake at Prowl on saturday but wahhsdvbsjdbhnjxdcn bhdjc FUCK

shrugs.