diary entry 71

dealing with sadness. confession to being in love with Someone I Know didn't go as well as i hoped it to last night. sigh. i feel like i was led on even though it's not that fuckinf deep

i'm not going to vegas in march either but it's okay because i'm going to go out tomorrow and use the money i had set aside for vegas on a septum piercing and headshop legal highs. praying my A$$ off i find Xüm PLÜR tablets at one of them i need to try that so bad. 5-MAPB fix me pls

listening to hardcore ska music and just laying in bed all day. been laying in bed for days. i can't wait for tomorrow

i want a partner that's more than a QPP so fucking bad. i need to be mutually obsessive with someone and have us intertwined with each other so deeply it irks everyone around us. i don't even care if it's LDR at this point (as long as they're from the USA though i'd rather kill myself than be in a LDR with someone from europe or australia or something) i want someone i can call for hours and say i love you to consistently and be with. this is the longest i've been """single""" for most of my life. it's weird and i hate it. 

dyed my hair weird colors because i want to look trashy. weird aesthetic goals. my mom liked it though but she won't be happy about my septum piercing but fucking whatever man i'm a grown ass adult

having my favorite food for dinner tonight then i'm popping hella mirtazapine and conking out. ran out of DPH which makes me sad. weed is too scary to smoke nowadays. i might just take an edible tho

it's funny because normally smoked weed is okay for people but edibles scare them. for me it's been the opposite . idk