diary entry 48

emetophobia/talk of vomit TW 

 guess who has the flu. and is out of their medications and cant get refills. ive been taking abilify to replace my zyprexa for now but. Yeah. and i called out of work today; luckily my manager was nice about it...

i threw up very violently twice yesterday and felt cold and nauseous all day. it felt just like when i got the flu at rehab last january, ironically on jan 12 (i got the flu this year jan 11)

i  slept for 2 hours from 2:30 am to 4:30 am and it took FOREVER to fall asleep then i couldnt fall back asleep despite trying multiple times so i was up all day.

i just spent the morning and afternoon on discord in my friends server, trying to rewatch barber westchester (i got 15 mins in and tapped out because of ADD), reading the DXM experiences book, trying to crack FL studio (and failing), and popping antinausea OTC meds like candy

i was supposed to see R tomorrow but sadly since im super sick i cant. BUT we are aiming for tuesday the 20th... but then i wont be seeing her for a while... whatever

i had no appetite whatsoever and ate a banana yesterday, threw it up, ate 1 pack vanilla oreo cakesters and threw THAT up too. i ate 5 saltines and felt like i was dying. even drinking plain water was painful. but  my mom brought me waters with gatorade packets and they hit the spot Just right.

i puked violently then miraculously i managed to nab some weed gummies, 3 10mg THC + 10mg melatonin gummies + 5 5mg THC + 5mg CBD gummies. i ate the 10mg ones and 2 of the lower dosed ones.

i was cold All day so my mom brought down the portable heater for me... its been so good, my room is very comfortably warm especially with my ceiling fan on.

i managed to get sleepy and napped for almost 2 hours from 5 to 7!!! i was sooo cozy

when i woke up i smelled the most delicious smell and my mom made CURRY CHICKEN... she brought me down a small dish of it + 2 waters and blue gatorade packets after she ate... IT WAS SO SO SO SO SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!!!! oh my godddddd SHE OUTDID HERSELF... i ate it very slowly to savor it and allow my stomach to get used to it but it was HARD it was So good and i hadnt eaten SHIT in so long.

 i am planning for a New musical alias... i listened to pent up pup's FURFAG album last night and i thought it was mid at first, but it really grew on me... and inspired me... gonna make my own twisted version of it. im planning to try learning Actual Music Making for it too and not jsut rip off and remix existing shit........

oh also i ordered the first 3 warrior cats books when i got paid because ive Kinda wanted to get into it again. i read it and obsessed over it at 12-13 but didnt get very far. so im gonna try again. anyways those came today!

and i talked to my ex a bit today too. which was cool