Monday, February 2, 2026

diary entry 59

 im tired today and im struggling with a lot of anxiety and paranoia and depression recently

i took 100-150mg dxm and i ended up getting really sick from it so i guess when the dxm goddess told me to stop doing it + when ketamine entity told me to stop they were right. 

yesterday i struggled for most of the day but got commissions done and tidied my room a bit

today O came over and we smoked weed, drew, listened to music, and my dad came home with chinese food and a new vape for me (i was hitting burnt as fuck vapes for the past 36 hours)

he brought some leftover testosterone too which is good because my insurance keeps delaying my T script still and i have a shot tmrw

im feeling really burnt out and scared recently. i have an appointment with my therapist at 1 PM tomorrow. which is good. i wasnt charged for accidentally not going recently but if i miss 2 more in 2026 i cant see her anymore. i set 102 different alarms for tomorrow

im hoping my T shot and new vape help me with my emotions ive been dealing with

ive been wanting to relapse into SH and benzos again but telling myself its not fucking worth it 

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diary entry 169

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