diary entry 79

 2:03 AM

today (or yesterday idgaf the next day doesnt start till i sleep) i woke up at like 11 AM for going out with my mom. Little did i know how AWFUL today was gonna be...

but 1 AMAZING thing happened: i went to this christian and or catholic thrift shop with my mom, mostly old people shopping and browsing. i didnt find anything i liked or particularly needed, but as i was gonna head out to hit my vape and go to the car, i saw a small CD and video game section right next to the  entrance.

The cd rack has a label saying "FREE CDS LIMIT 10" so the cds were free.

But imagine my fucking SHOCK when i saw... ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD IN ITS BOX, WITH THE MANUALS AND EVERYTHING.

 

MY JAW DROPPED. i asked the lady behind the counter, "i saw this in the free cd collection, does it cost anything?" AND SHE STRAIGHT UP SAID ITS FREE. HOOOOOLY SHIT

 

its really funny timing because ive been Kinda hyperfixated on the animal crossing wild world OST ARG that sepiatone on youtube made. and also this was my first AC game (i remember borrowing it from the library at 10 and falling in love and immediately getting ACNL when i had to return the game to the library) i still have my DS lite also !! idk where it is but aaa

 

but then...

 

ok so i booked an appointment with an endocrinologist 3 MONTHS ago. they booked me way out. today was my appointment.

 

so me and my mom go to laconia doctor office thing and i check in and wait in the room and then got called in. the nurse who confirmed info with me was very nice . But then the MOTHERFUCKER DOCTOR CAME IN.

 

i so badly needed to talk aboutt my PCOS, PMDD symptoms (i dont bleed anymore due to T, but still get suicidal and paranoid and feel like shit for 1-2 weeks a month. i also ovulate still), and my constant vomiting and having no appetite and never wanting to eat because i know ill puke it up. i told him all about this.

 

INSTEAD, he said "oh you were referred here for weight gain." and this cocksucker proceeds to tell me over and fucking OVER again essentially saying "you need to lose weight," and tries talking about putting me on ozempic/zepbound AS IF THAT WONT MAKE ME SICKER (my mom does it and feels bad for 1-2 days after each shot, and my friend was forced on it by his parents at one point and he puked constantly and always felt like shit). this asshole even ws like "you should book an appointment at the dietician office in manchester" (WHICH IS AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY ONE WAY). Nothing about my vomiting. Nothing about my PMDD symptoms. just essentially being called a fatty over and over again for close to 30 minutes.

 

i was BEYOND PISSED. i waited 3 MONTHS just to be called a fatty. The best part is they weighed me at the start of the appointment and i had lost over 10 pounds.

 

i held it together till i got to the car with my mom and started calling him every name in the book. My fucking mom, before i told her how he essentially fatshamed me, was like "he told you to stop taking the testosterone didnt he" THE FUCK??? but she was on my side regarding what happened.

 

so then we start driving to dover area which is an hour or so away from laconia. alls fine and dandy. my mom has her hair appointment (that she had been needing since august) at 6:30 and we have some time to go to goodwill.

 

i find a reese's peanut butter cup hoodie + a pink fuzzy balloon dog figure + LED RGB strip lights. i gave them to my mom and went out to the car after and wait for her to finish.

 

She texts me, "the lights just went out" and i hear sirens roaring down the street.

 

im like ??? then she gets out and a lottt of people are coming out.

 

turns out, just a bit further up the road, someone was going so fast that they Crashed into the electric poles. not just 1 or 2, but 4. and it knocked the power out on that street. all the stores were suddenly closed. (even walmart was dark and empty) tons of people were gawking around the scene.

 

i was Pissed about this because i was planning to buy vodka. inwas gonna buy it in rochester, but my mom was like "lets just get it at dover" and guess where the car crash happened? if you guessed "in front of the liquor store," youd be right!!! i got really angry

 

so the roads were now closed. like the whole road.which was a very busy active roads. everyone was being routed down a different road and we needed to haul ass to my moms haircut appointment.

 

but theres a massive fucking jam, barely moving, and then when we managed to crawl up the road further, this fucking asshole in front of us kept letting people in the establishment next to the road cut in front of us. we got cut off like 7 times at least.

 

and then!!! my mom is looking for her phone in her purse. its not there. its not in the back.

 

i try calling it. no sound plays.

 

i check with find my iphone. youll never fucking beleive this: my mom left it at goodwill. which was closed and on a road we couldnt return back to (with the car at least. you could still walk down the road) it looked like it was located outside the goodwill.

 

my mom SCREAMED so loud when she found out. i was really scared. she didnt apologize. she had her credit cards and shit on the back with a silicone card holder that sticks to the phone case. luckily she did have a bank card in her purse/wallet.

 

after like 20 mins in traffic and being cut off, we finally get through the traffic and arrive just in time for my moms hair appointment.

 

it was a busy area But there were stores and fastfood along the road where the hair salon was. and to my delight, there are 2 vape shops across the street! well, i DID get my unemployment check today...

 

so i make my way over and i waited for like genuinely 3 minutes for the crosswalk sign switch to walk but it never did. ever. i waited 5 mins and then there was a lull in the cars so ij ran really fast.

 

went to the first store and poked around then left for the other. i walk a bit to get to it and turns out its not even fucking open yet so i wasted my time.

 

so i go BACK to the first vape store and buy 2 10mg THC gummies + 100mg pack of 7-hydroxymitragynine. after that i headed back to the area with the car. there was a wendys there and i was DYING of thirst.

 

i manage to get to the wendys (its uphill walking too no less) sweating my fucking ass off. i havent eaten in like a day at this point also.

 

Yea so there was like. 4-5 rowdy fucking teenage boys, an elderly couple, and a mom with her kid in front of me. and i NEEDED a drink. but the line took, i shit you NOT, 10+ minutes. the fucking elderly ass couple took so fucking long.

 

i finally get ton the front and the fucking guy delays taking my order because Conveniently a phone call happened and he had to fucking answer it.

 

i finally FINALLY place my order: large fountain soda and medium fries. i say im dying of thirst so he thankfully immediately gives me a cup. i got cokacola from the fancy drink machine and it was like the most refreshing thing ever. Also i got coke because i could use the leftover drink to extract my last rod of benzedrex when i got home (coke is frequently used for extraction because its acidic).

 

i go to the bathroom and wait almsot 10 fucking minutes and i never got my fries. i was pissed off so i just left. what a fucking waste of money. worst wendys ive ever been to no joke.

 

i go back to ym moms car and just wait. my phone is dying but the charging port on my phone is insanely fucked right now and it doesnt charge most of the time when i just plug it in. i have to have the cord bent a certain way in the hopes i can even retain a charge for more than a second. its not the cord, its the phones fault because it slowly stopped "rrecognizing" when my wired earbuds + charging cable were plugged into it 

 

my mom came out a bit later and we wanted to see if we could get to goodwill and check the parking lot. however the roads are still heavily closed off. we parked like 0.3-0.5 miles away at the target and made our way in the dark to the goodwill. Thank fucking GOD today was like 70F degrees out.

 

my phone battery is under 10% at this point but i have to use my flashlight on it. we get to the goodwill finally and the snow bordering the area is fucked.

 

we look allll over, and the non-snowed on areas were extremely muddy. i had to step in this twice it was awful

 

then we realize (using my find my iphone app) that its Inside the goodwill. in the back. so tomorrow my mom is going out to dover AGAIN to complete the goodwill purchase (she told me when everyone had to leave the store they took customers who hadnt paid yet's goods and added a note so they could come get it later on) and get her phone.

 

we walk back to the car and i almost slip and fall when i underestimate how deep a bit of snow was on an incline. i almost lost it all rifht there.

 

its late and we decide to go to margaritas the chain mexican place in the area to get some drinks and nachos. (i dont like mexican food really but they make decent nachos) i got a cocktail margarita with 7 (!!!) different liquers in it. it was really good and got me buzzing good.

 

i barely ate anything though. i ate SOME nachos slowly and one at a time. but i stopped after like 5-10 mins. i DID manage to charge my phone also; i had my portable charging brick + cord in my purse. i found if i plugged the phone in and had the charger connection part pushed down into the chair with the phone resting against the back of the seat, it would charge. i got my phone from like 5% to 31% which i was pleased with because now i could get home fine with music.

 

the woman attending our table was very sweet and nice, and we talked about our Awful Day with her and i was like "well 1 good thing happened i got animal crossing wild world for free" (pulls it out of purse) and she lit up and was like "i LOVE animal crossing !!"

 

we left shortly after and made our way home. i had Big Plans Brewing in my brain on the way...

 

the plan: to cope with today, i was going to take 1-2 7OH tablets, the propylhexedrine extracted with the cola, eat the weed gummies, and take the rest of my 4-aco-dmt gummies (despite taking olanzapine and seroquel recently which heavilyyy dull the effects)

 

so i get home FINALLY and get to my room get changed. Put some cola in an empty water bottle from ym trashcan (so i could have as little liquid as possible) and kept some more cola in the main cup. take out 1 (one) benzedrex rod, cut in half, drop into bottle. Cap it up and shake that motherfucker vigorously for as long as you can!!!

 

i took the weed gummies as soon as i got home, but decided to wait till i dosed the PPX before i took the 7OH and 4acodmt. i shook the bottle vigorously for like 20 minutes then decided Its Game Time.

 

plug nose chug solution in 3 gulps (shit has menthol and lavendar oils so its Gross to taste) and immediately chug clean cola through straw.

 

get up and start eating the 4-aco-dmt gummies. i got 15 left and i take 5 mins to eat them all. i knew i wouldnt feel much, but whatever

 

theyre down and i moved on to the 7OH. i took 1 tablet (i took another like 2 hours later) and now we play the waiting game...

 

welll i didnt really Psychedelically Trip but music started sounding DIVINE. musical enhancement up the ASS!!! and i felt a bit of pleasure over my body, tingles on my scalp, flutterflies in my chest.. i have many convos on discord over text...

 

colors did get a bit brighter and my thoughts got a bit "disjointed" and that was the extent of the 4aco. but its okay 

 

now i sit here, 2:53 AM, listening to music and feeling amazing after the Bullshit  i Endured today. gobbless.

 

thats about it. Look at this art of my self insert and my new fictional boyfriend btw :(im obsessed)