diary entry 85

​today i woke up at 8 something AM after going to bed after 2 AM. i woke up at 3:30 AM because i forgot to turn my phone onto silent and R spam liked my instagram stories and my phone BLEW UP with loud notifications lmao

i dosed the propylhexedrine i extracted last night + some 7OH. felt extremely fucking good for so long. was very chatty 

a friend i haven't talked to since june and kinda missed a lot messaged me again!! we caught up and i invited him to my server!!! it's funny because a few nights ago someone else i hadn't talked to in a while reached out again who i had also missed..

i had everything packed for my overnight trip thing and we left the house around 3:30 PM or so. we went to concord and went to the goodwill, i got a shirt that said "Papa: the man the myth the legend" even though i REALLY do not need anymore shirts. on saturday i plan to put clothes i don't want into garbage bags to donate. stuff i can't sell on depop for a good profit. 

then we drove to keene and picked my brother up from his apartment.

my drugs from the morning were wearing off and i felt very irritable and angry. especially at my brother. because he's almost 21, has NEVER had a job (meanwhile i've had 11 since i was 18), yet my parents pay $700+ for his apartment monthly but won't do that for me. i wonder why!!! fucking assholes. 

we went to dinner and i got the Best calamari they make there, a caesar salad with grilled chicken (yea caesar salad 2 days in a row lol) and a sour patch margarita cocktail thing that wasn't very good but i finished it. my brother was fucking pissing me off because he's such a conservitard.

i remember when i was 15 and he was 12 and i snooped on his discord and found out he was in discord servers "pretending" to be a nazi. i remember him saying the N word on youtube despite being fucking white. i remember when he told me he'd never respect my gender identity. i remember when he admitted to making an AI art series about F where he owned slaves and shit. and bawling my eyes out over it privately. needless to say i kinda hope he dies. 

i was pissy so i managed to escape the table and walked down the street to the sketchy vape shop. i got... 4 1000mg (not a typo) thc gummies for $15. holy shit i ate a bit of one.

after that we brought my brother back to his fucking apartment and went back to the hotel. 

we thought there was a pool here but sadly there wasn't... still disappointed

i got back and took a nice shower and i'm drying off right now.

kinda really wish i didn't leave my 7OH at home but whatever what can you do

oh ALSO i had my case manager zoom appointment for unemployment we went over my job match system resume and skills and stuff. got a small assignment to do. she got me a job to apply to except when i went to apply it fucking said the job wasn't available anymore. Like okay lmao . Lmao.

on the ride to concord/keene i was lowkey nodding off and couldn't see straight. i listened to my music mainly while my mom drove

i'm really tired right now i'm gonna go to bed soon

tomorrow my mom is bringing my brother grocery shopping and we are gonna walk around then head to nashua for the night. yay