diary entry 114

​just been working the past few days. yesterday i had a 6 hour shift, so i had a 30 minute lunch and i ran to cvs (literally) and got 2 boxes of coricidin and took them last night, chasing the amazing high i had a few nights before.

i had a very ocd fueled trip, with a lot of thoughts about my demons and past and thinking i am a ostensibly horrible person and the traits i am problematic for having or subconsciously exhibiting. but it eased up and i stayed up all night tripping and barely slept. sleep was broken, fitiful and sweaty. i had insane acid reflux and felt like a small round battery was in the back of my throat, bleeding into my mucus passages. i had to work 3-8 today. alone all day again. my dad brought me and i was afterglowing from the dex and spent the 30 minute car ride talking to him about how i plan to go to michigan in july and after that i will save up to pay for drivers ed and we talked about learning to drive and stuff. i was looking at flights in july for michigan and its $300 or so, which i can do. i plan to go for 10 days at the start of july

work was good, but intensive. i was beat. i had to set up muffins and pastries and breads , and i sweated like crazy. when i finished setup and was getting ready to go on my 15 min break, i was putting the U boat of boxes of stuff in the freezer and boxes kept falling off the U boat and shit. it pissed me the fuck off. but whatever

i was so ready for my shift to end. i was dripping filth and sweat. i was achy and worn out too. my mom picked me up and i listened to 2 shadowdog songs while waiting for her because it was beautiful outside and i wanted to take in the moment. my dad got food from the clam shack and i had a blt sub thing waiting for me at home (with a fuck ton of bacon in it)

got home and took the most needed and best shower of my life. i feel so rejuvenated. i ate some of my BLT sub and im hanging out and listening to music now. pretty tired. i'm gonna sleep good tonight. got stuff coming in the mail tomorrow, and im off tomorrow too. it's my friends birthday and im gonna call it. 

im feeling great all things considered. life is shaping up to be much awesome despite what the demons screamed at me last night over. i'm so excited for how this summer is gonna pan out. my birthday is in 24 days too!!! and F's birthday is in 9 days. wow