diary entry 122

​had another fight with my mom the other night and it got physical. i slept all day yesterday after, then all night. i only got up at 11:50 because i had therapy at 12. i updated her with how i felt and i was really miserable. we cut the appointment short by 30 mins because i had nothing else to say, and i needed to use the bathroom and do my testosterone shot. she's going to be calling my mom and doctor. i plan to take 2 trileptal XR tonight compared to 1 and see if it helps my mood.

my mom brought me to work and didn't say anything to me, even when i got out she didn't say goodbye. i started having a perpetual anxiety attack and clocked in 5 mins late.

i went to the bakery and put cardboard in the cardboard baler, but was freaking out stupendously. i went upstairs to the break room and vomited violently in the toilet , and my assistant manager heard me and we talked and she let me leave. i clocked out 30 mins after arriving. my mom picked me up but because she had errands to run i sat in the car. she went to goodwill and i fell asleep while she was there, and woke up when she got back in the car.

we went to tilton and went grocery shopping and stuff. she started talking more. i got a new vape also and paid for it.

i'm having a really hard time regulating my body temperature. i've switched between sweating like crazy and freezing my ass off, even though it's been 65F out. i had the seat heat on on the way to work because i was so cold.

i think im withdrawing from 7OH. i took 100-400mg a day for a week and ran out the other night. it would explain a lot

i'm gonna try work again tomorrow because i really have to and i feel a bit better now. my clothes are filthy and i need to shower really bad when i get home (im in the parking lot of BJs right now and after this we're going home)

my birthday is in 5 days but it doesn't feel right. i have to be sober this week

my new nintendo switch joycons got delivered and i think a temu package did also so im looking forward to going home and opening those then showering and playing tomodachi life all night. 

i'm glad i was only scheduled 5 hours today it didn't feel as bad as if i were scheduled my usual 6.5. 

ye that's about it