diary entry 121

​had a massive fight with my mom the other night after having a mental health day off and it was good until her bitchass ruined it. i had to take ANOTHER day off of work due to her. she went through my room and found all my empty drug packaging and yelled at me for finding a ketamine needle and made it all about how hard it was for her and how awful it was. and blah blah fuckinass blah. saying i need to either go back to rehab or go to dumb fuck NA/AA meetings of a bunch of holier than thou former junkie losers who have sticks up their asses. i told her to go fuck herself and that the nazi media she was watching on tv (fox news) was brainwashing her and she twisted it on ME and said "your liberal media is brainwashing you!2!!2" i told her trump was in the epstein files 3 million times and her retarded ass had the gall to defend him and say he was never on the island. he's a fucking baby rapist who eats toddlers bitch i hope you die. i was so worked up i couldn't sleep despite being super sleep deprived and my friends were really supportive when i vented about this as it was happening and N called me over the phone while i fell asleep so i could actually feel okay because i didn't want to listen to ambient music and be trapped in my thoughts while going to bed. i slept from 3 AM to 7 PM yesterday (i woke up a lot to pee and drink water but yeah

my mom got my medication refills and started ANOTHERR FUCKING FIGHT WITH ME LAST NIGHT and almost started crying (lmao) and yelped at one point while i was just standing there saying "you look really scary and possessed you're scaring me!!!"

she said i gave her ptsd and i was like Oh yea? i have cptsd dumb bitch and she said "well we've done everything for you so i don't know how you'd have it" Ohhh bitch go kill yourself i am so serious. 

she said O couldn't visit (he was supposed to come over today and i was super looking forward to it but alas i have to live with a toddler for a mom) and she also said i couldn't go to michigan in july despite the fact i plan to pay for all of it and live my life.

>says she's not abusive

> is essentially isolating me and making me feel a billion times worse

>mfw

she found a lot of my stash but she didn't find my seroquel pills or my big 7OH bottle so i've been chewing the 7OH here and there. i had 20 to start but now i only have 6. but whatever

i don't know if im gonna be visiting dispensaries on my birthday anymore either which is Great. i LOOOOVE the fact im cursed and fated to have everything i get excited about/look forward to get ruined one way or another. its awesome! i hope i die.

woke up today and had therapy and was high as a kite on the 7OH during it and let out a lot of steam my therapist was good about it and wants to see me much sooner than usual so i see her again on friday before work

but i DID FUCKING FINALLY FINALLY FINALLYYYYY FIND MY NINTENDO SWITCH i've been looking for MONTHSSSSS but it was in my closet!!! im charging it right now. as soon as im paid in a few days im getting a year of nintendo online and tomodachi life and idk if the rhythm heaven game is out but ill probably get that too

i had today off but i just wanna fucking work again. a lot of people are worried about me. i wish i could work 24/7 and never have to come home again

oh ALSOOOO i found a cassette bundle for lemon demon's view monster and dinorchestra on depop for $20 and free shipping!!! the cassettes are usually $50+ on their own so im super happy about that! i got it!

yea