diary entry 137

 yesterday was a big day for me

i left the house around 3 with my mom to go to the psych unit to get my charger, new book i ordered, and the electric kool-aid acid test that i forgot when i AMA'd. but we also went to a dispensary first so my mom could get CBG gummies (they help her chronic pain) and i got 2 prerolls for $17. pretty high quality stuff. then we went to the psych unit and she came down with my new book in a baggie + the burnt as fuck vape i had, but not my charger so she went back up and got it for me. but i didnt get the kool-aid acid test book cuz she couldnt find it so thats a loss. whatever

then we headed to the mall. i spent quite a bit (had $151 when i woke up) i got some cute kitty stickers and plushie, a smiling friends shirt, watermelon gummies, cucumber melon body wash, and a miffy keychain. im wearing the smiling friends shirt rn

we also went to ninety nine for dinner and i got chicken tenders with fries and rice pilaf. i ate an amazing burger at the mall (burnt my mouth on it cuz i ate it so fast..) and red velvet cake dairy queen blizzard

we didnt get to go everywhere we wanted to go tho cuz the mall closed at 8 and we didnt get there early enough. my mom went to old navy afterwards and got a TON of sweaters.

we got home around 11:30 PM it was a great day. i smoked some weed when i got home which was nice

today i woke up at 10:30 AM and had my new psychiatrist appointment at 11 AM. i got to know her and forwarded my mental health evaluation results to her, and just introduced each other. i brought up how i wanna get prescribed memantine for my ocd + bipolar + autism and even had papers pulled up on off label use of memantine but she was down for it! however im not getting it until next month; i see her again on july 23 and we are gonna discuss it more.

i got some art sent to me of my oc which is good, i have too draw an art trade side soon but its chill

also i rewrote my friend's fanfiction for him, as english isnt his first language (hes from saudi arabia) and sat down and did that all in an hour. 10 pages long but i got it done and he was really happy with it

meditated for a bit, smoked some cigs, i relapsed on booze cuz i was paranoid and depressed and im drinking rn. whatever. someday i can be sober but today isnt my day for that. gonna smoke weed soon too

im talking to a guy from bumble and we called last night and he was drunk and really overly horny to me about me. it... made me nervous and scared. i thought id take it better considering i was hypersexual for a big chunk of my life, but after leaving call i felt weird and off. i dont know if i like sex anymore. sure, simulated sex/fetish fanfictions and amateur fetish porn is great for me, but the actual deed seems daunting. theres only like 3 people id be fine with having sex with, and this guy wasnt one of them. whats the term for wanting people to think abt u sexually but being ultimately scared of it? cupiosexual? idk. fuck

i need more cigs. i waas gonna practice driving today but im getting drunk and high instead. whateverrrr

but yea thats about it. i cant wait to go back to work on friday. genuinely.

i need to make music