diary entry 160

dreamt about F being a greyhound bus driver this morning which has been making me chuckle all day , also dreamt about Tim Smith Cardiacs playing live at my favorite childhood mall that shut down earlier this year and i was convinced it happened for 2 minutes

​i got written up at work. because on monday one of the store managers (not my bakery/main manager) caught me sitting on the floor on my phone after i finished literally everything .she kinda punished me and made me scrub the sinks and "front" the items in the deli coolers (like, pull them to the front of the shelves)

i got to work today 5 mins late after almost pissing my pants on the ride over and kelly was like "i had to write you up. don't make me have to do it again because i like you" and it threw me off. i got very angry and lowkey internally suicidal. kept having to have cig breaks and applied to other jobs on indeed, BUT i didn't quit/lash out like i would have in the past, so im proud of that.

i was having a cig and texting my mom, and conveniently she was at the store so she brought me a slice of pizza, which helped MASSIVELY. i drank an 8oz coffee before work and vomited violently from it, and was STARVING. my mood improved heavily after eating it. i felt a lot better. 

kelly gave me a lot to do today: set up, cookies, whoopie pies, brownies, and clean up. i got almost everything done, but didn't get the brookie brownies done, but i put them in the freezer. i got everything else done tho!! and i finished mopping right as it turned 8 pm (when i could clock out). i texted her about this and she was very nice about it. 

texted N a lot today... he sent me cute art of our characters last night that he drew ;_; i love him soo much. i got paid last night too, so i got some bandcamp albums, a new graham kartna TMP2 shirt because i lost my old one and it was chipping heavily anyways since ive had it since 2022 and wore it CONSTANTLY, a new chest binder, a commission, uhh... a new pack of cigs and lighter, and a 1.5 liter buzzball after work. drinking right now after eating chicken strips with ketchup.

i Found oUT that the "these are the shout" graham kartna album HAD THE REMASTERED songs in the bandcamp album when i bought the cassette and Wow it's good... compressed the files for GK server mates...

also after buying my cigs during my lunch i was walking back to my job and SAW SOMEONE WITH A FURBY VANITY LICENSE PLATE.... SMH cuz me and my mom have been talking about getting me a furby plate when i get my license and a car for YEARS now... oh well

work ended and my dad drove me home and the last 2 packages of gifts i got for O arrived!!! gotta go to dollar tree soon and get some other shit. smilessss

just got therapy tomorrow before work, then i work, then i have friday off!!! have my psychiatrist appointment then, and will get my memantine and olanzapine refilled, and HOPEFULLYYYYY get on ADHD meds..,.. yay!

uhhh not much else??? drinking booze and listening to The Kartna... i'm gay