diary entry 161

​i saw my psychiatrist yesterday, got my refills of memantine and other stuff and i got on concerta!!! but we got all my meds except concerta at the pharmacy yesterday... hopefully that gets filled soon cuz im sooooo sick of relying on caffeine for work i've been vomiting again recently and it doesn't help

saw my therapist on thursday too, it went great! she was really proud of me for not quitting work and for not lashing out. i have dbt workbook pages 42-44 to do before this upcoming thursday. it was a really great appointment

work has been Eh. irritating. saw my coworker and she said she could get me a weed cart so with my next paycheck i'm gonna get one. i also did my T shot perfectly yesterday and it's been making me INSANE about graham kartna. i bought another one of his shirts for sale and told them to combine with my earlier purchase i made on wednesday

i met someone on a forum i frequent , and we added each other on discord today. we have CRAZY similar music tastes and he listened to shadowdog for me and fucked with it HEAVY. i'm excited to talk to them more after they get out of work tonight!!! he is a he/they/it on estrogen which is super cool.

been talking to denise constantly, im really happy about that they're so cool

i was fixing my ita bag up last night and stepped on a pin pointy side up -_- it still hurts a lot

went to work today, and when i got out me and my family (including my brother which i was surprised about) and dads cousin went to weirs beach for fireworks and food. Oh yea my dads cousin from germany is visiting i forgot to mention that. she's okay

we got food and i got 2 alcoholic drinks and buffalo wings and AMAZING fries. the wings weren't that good tho

and then we watched the FIREWORKS. i listened to "i came close, orange for luck" nightcore the whole time and almost bawled my eyes out thinking about how LUCKY i am to be alive. at 14, i was suicidal, lonely, struggling to live and traumatized and not living life how i wanted to. now at 24 i am not lonely (3 partners and many good friends), not suicidal constantly, and living life mainly how i want to (i hate living with my parents but at least im on testosterone and have almost all of my needs maintained and kept up to date), and that made me so euphoric.

im gonna likely see billy idol on tuesday with my mom and dads cousin (i have tuesday off) and im kinda stoked about that. havent been to a show since i lived with F and we saw wand. i also gave my dads cousin a cigarette and she said she'd buy me a pack

i splurged and got marlboro red 100s when i usually get montego red 100s because they're cheap. they're really good honestly

talked to F a bit tonight about books and he said he's gonna read house of leaves :D YESSS i gotta read berserk manga for him when work isn't Fucking killing me

Also i found out i start classes on august 31!!! and i texted my manager for mondays off which is good she said its okay! i wanna start getting 2 days off at a time instead of separated tbh i miss having a "weekend". ill ask about it soon, maybe i could get mondays and tuesdays off during school

not much else....... its all good