diary entry 44

​TODAY SUCKED!!!!!! WHICH IS FITTING CUZ TODAY IS DIARY ENTRY 44 AND RHE NUMBER 4 IS BIG SCARY OCD FOR ME!!!!!!!

i felt good! when i woke up! i only slept around 4 hours. but i got paid around $350 and got up for the day around 6:30 AM and took a shower and brushed my teeth.

i had my psychiatrist appointment at 11 AM so i had it and she was like. fucking. "Ohh you need your blood work done in concord :/ i won't be able to meet you again until you do :/" even though i JUST got my blood work done at my physical.

Not only that the fucking psych was so annoying about my weeed use and kept telling me to essentially stop it altogether and shit She's like. in her fucking 60s. and then she was trying to schedule me an appointment with aNOTHER lady because, getthis, this fuckijg psych is leaving the practice conveniently after i start seeing her and she's switching me to someone else. the fuck??? and it took 5-7 minutes to actually make the fucking appointment because EVERY time that would have worked best for me was when she wasn't in office.

i think i'm going to call the office/care place tomorrow and ask if i can still have the new therapist i started seeing through this psych (she's nice and i like her) and keep doing my mental health reevaluation but stop seeing these shitty psychiatrist women. because fuck that noise!!!

so then i left for work yadda yadda 1-7 and it was fucking. it was slow and my assistant manager kept bugging me to get off my phone like dude i fucking GET IT. OKAY. and customers kept irritating me. and i went to buy art supplies then realized i impulse spent too much and Could Not get Them!

and then i like. i made a big Druggie purchase (may be a lil chemical that starts with a K) with my new paycheck andi told the fucking guy shipping it to me to ship it via UPS 293388338 times so i could reroute it to my job's UPS access point so my parents don't fucking open the mail and You'll never believe it!!! he said he was only shipping it via USPS and Not ups like i so graciously asked a MILLION FUCKING TIMES FOR. if i'm caught and have to go back to Retardhab ima be PISSED

and my phone was dying so during my lunch i went to get a portable charger and cable at walmart and Luckily i still had like $9 on my prepaid walmart card so i only Reallyjad to pay $3.32 which was good because after my Dumbass impulse purchases after waking up (BURN PYGMALION!! by the scary jokes on cd, Warrior Cats first 3 books (because i Really wanna reread warrior cats), a book on ketamine) + the $180 transaction i was Lowkey Broke. However my lovely friend vex commissioned me $35 so... yea But anyways

so i return from my lunch and one of my managers calls me into the office and Uhh guess what!!! i'm being laid off!!! january 31st is my last goddamn shift!!! yayyyy woooo!!!

like Yea!!! Fucking!!! keep all the 16/17 year old hires on the fucking team! the ones who go to high school and are supposed to have Fuckng LIVES,  but let go of the 23 year old GROWN MAN who DOESNT go to school, who LOVES that job, worked SO hard at it, signed people up for the credit card program + rewards and Never left early except ONCE and NEVER acted out despite struggling. with it so bad before!!! wooo!!

the i fucking get out of work and i'm nauseous what the Fuck else is new i'm ALWAYS fucking nauseous and my mom KNOWS i just essentially got laid off and am struggling and you know what she does??? vent to me about my FUCKING dad and use me as her Free Therapist™️ SHUT THE FUCKKKK UPPPP I SWEAR TO FUCKING GGODDD!!!

so my dj controllers delivered. be me. looking forward to it all day. super hype. i get home. i get changed and settled. i open it...

/IT DOESNT HAVE THE FUCKING CABLE ITS SUPPOSED TO HAVE./

GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT. THE FUCKING LISTING DIDNT EVEN FUCKIGN SAY IT DIDNT HAVE A GODDAMN FUCKING CABLE OH MY GODDDDDDD i left a negative review i Literally do not care Fuck you! Fuck you dude! 🖕🖕🖕

Luckily M bought me a cable which i'm.  so grateful for but fucking. oh my GOD.

i'm just. one of the only good things to come out of today was:

1. talking to my friends and partner in my server

2. i bought a commission of me and R's fursonas and i got the work in progress 🥹 it's adorable

3. Vex commissioning me

4. M buying me a cable

Like that's it. that's actually fucking it.

i have 1 100mg 7OH tablet left and i'm just gonna take it even though i was dying of nausea earier. my mom got me a tall boy alcoholic drink too and i'm ust gonna grab some pot and get souped up. fuck today!!! at least there's tomorrow!!!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH